Knights in Rusty Armour
by TillyTiger
Summary: Severus Snape found himself staring into a pair of hazel bespectacled eyes and blinked. They were still there. What had seemed like a second ago, those eyes had been of the brightest green, Lily's eyes, he was sure of it.


**Disclaimer: It's all Jo Rowling's. I just like to play with her toys every now and then. Cheers!**

**Chapter One**

**The Great Cosmic Joke**

Severus Snape found himself staring into a pair of hazel bespectacled eyes and blinked. They were still there. What had seemed like a second ago, those eyes had been of the brightest green, Lily's eyes, he was sure of it.

Trying to shake off the groggy feeling, he blinked several more times to get his vision into focus. He still wasn't connecting those eyes with a person he knew. He had a slight headache, like he had spent a night down in the dungeons reading in dull light.

'Oi, Snape, shake a leg.'

Upon realising who had spoke, impossible though it was, Severus groggily groped at his pocket for his wand, readying himself for a fight. To his dismay, he found that he wasn't dressed in his usual high necked billowing black robes, but something far softer. Cotton, he thought, as if he had come back from a particularly grisly Death Eaters meeting and Madam Pomfrey had placed him in the hospital wing under her caring albeit bossy charge. His wand wasn't in his pocket, and he hastily pulled himself up off the ground and away from the face that he so despised.

Rather than moving to humiliate the man in front of him, as he had done so many times before, James Potter remained as still as possible. He was not here to taunt the man.

'What the hell are you doing here, Potter? This isn't possible,' he muttered to himself absently, searching for an explanation that fit. It occurred to him that this may be a dream; whilst he kept his dreams heavily occluded so that others may not enter, he had on occasion dreamt of his old nemesis, though never anything quite as strange as this.

Before Potter had the chance to answer, Severus demanded, 'Am I dreaming?'

Rather than answering, James moved towards the other man, who very deftly stepped back, and seemed to glide around a corner that had materialized behind him. James rolled his eyes.

'I'm not going to curse you, Snape,' he called. Guarded, Severus held himself in his defensive position, whilst the messy-haired wizard raised his hands to show a lack of arms. 'No wand, Snape.' He saw Snape peering around the corner, then hesitantly step a little closer.

Staying dead still until the Potions Master had reached the middle of the room, James waited patiently. Quick as a python, he struck.

'Bloody OW!' roared Severus, who, James thought, was quite comical the way he leaped back at a little pinch on the arm. 'What was that for?'

James shrugged. 'Lily always pinched me when I asked if I was dreaming.'

'Imbecile,' Severus spat pithily, rubbing his arm. Rather than being offended, as Severus would have been, Potter smiled and shrugged. 'And what, may I ask, is that supposed to prove?'

'That you aren't dreaming.' Again, the man shrugged. That was an irritating habit he had passed on to his son. Severus was seized with the urge to immobilise the man's shoulders. 'I don't really get it either.'

Severus wanted to reply with something scathing, retorting that if it was a dream, surely he would have woken up by now, just to get away from formerly big-headed toe rags that called themselves quidditch stars, but the man's casual mention of Lily had unnerved him. He turned away, pondering explanations for the predicament he found himself in.

'You're dead.' The voice that came from behind was clear and sure. Severus made no reply. He thought of what he had awoken to. Blue eyes, instead of the green eyes he had been staring into. Lily's eyes. No, he thought, her son's. Potter had been looking into his own black eyes, witnessing his humiliation as he lay wrecked and broken in the Shrieking Shack. It seemed observing Severus at his most vulnerable was a Potter family trait.

Brow already furrowed, he grimaced in pain as he realised what he had given Potter. The young Potter. The boy knew everything now. In his honourable Gryffindor way, he would probably be announcing his innocence and naming children after him and some such. Pathetic.

'Snape?' The man behind him now sounded soft and hesitant, sparking Severus' prickly nature into annoyance. Really, allow a man to reflect a while over the newfound fact that he was _dead_ before expecting him to trade spars with a person he had no desire to ever see again. Reining in his temper, Severus strained to bottle his emotions in the back of his mind.

'Where are we?' he asked simply.

'Uh, I have no idea.' The man looked unnerved at Severus outward show of calm and the change of topic. 'You tell me.' At this, Severus felt like glaring at the other man. Could he not just be a little helpful for once? Instead, he coolly inspected his surroundings. Mahogany walls, a great big Victorian looking desk and a roaring fire.

'Resembles a cross between my study and living room, without all the books. What do you mean you don't know? And why are you here?'

'It's your awareness we're in, not mine. If you chose this...' he looked around, '...dark, moody study, then that's what appears. From my understanding, you can change these surroundings if you wish.'

Severus immediately looked down at himself to find that thought had already transformed the pyjama-like clothes to his usual black garb. Immediately, he looked back up at the man, concentrating.

'But that doesn't extend to people. I do have to commend you on this comfy armchair though.' He smiled ruefully. 'As to why I'm here, I'm supposed to help you decide what to do.'

Severus felt like this was some huge cosmic joke. He didn't really believe in karma, but finding out he was dead, and being guided to what he supposed was some kind of afterlife by his childhood bully seemed a tad more than cruel. Whom had he pissed off in order for them to play this horrendous practical joke on him?

'You're supposed to help me? Why on Earth would I ever trust you to help me with anything?'

'Because there is nobody else. You aren't exactly close to a lot of people, Snape.' Severus scoffed.

'If it's closeness you're looking for, you certainly don't fit the bill.'

'No,' James agreed, beginning to tire of this argument.

'Then why the bloody hell am I talking to you? Can't I talk to someone I trust, or at least find tolerable?' Severus realised his voice was raised, and strived for outward control. This man was the last person he wanted to show any weaknesses.

'There weren't a lot of options.'

'So you say,' sniped Severus, losing control once more. 'What about Li-' Mortified at what he had almost revealed, Severus croaked 'Dumbledore?'

James swept over the stumble as if it had never happened.

'Dumbledore said that people too close to you could sway your decision, and that you were still too angry at him for him to "meddle".' He chuckled. Severus was not as amused as Potter seemed to be.

'That was not his decision to make!' he snarled, furious that once again, Dumbledore had his way with Severus' life, or afterlife.

James nodded. 'Dumbledore does like to play Merlin,' he acknowledged. 'But he is also right most of the time.'

Severus turned his back to the man, once again struggling for composure. He cast his mind for a topic to calm him, and began reciting in his mind the potions ingredients in their exact measurements required for the Wolfsbane potion. The man behind him shifted with unease at Severus' display of anger.

'Aren't you angry at him?' inquired Severus.

'Dumbledore?' asked James, confused. 'He was merely making the best of a bad situation. He couldn't have prevented Harry from becoming a horcrux.'

'No, but he could have-'

'Have what? Not given Harry everything in order to defeat Voldemort? Or told Harry he had to die? No, it was better this way.'

Severus stopped reciting under his breath, finally calm again, and turned to look at the man incredulously. Potter actually believed Dumbledore had done right by his son. He dismissed this, and locked eyes with the detested man.

'What are my choices?' he asked. James was once again unnerved by the man's ability to change subject so easily.

'Three,' he said simply. Severus lifted a brow.

'One. Become a ghost, walk the Earth forever, try to convince Muggles that you're in fact real, and all that.' At this, James paused, waiting for a response. Snape did not seem inclined to give one, but he waited the man out patiently.

After what seemed a full minute, Severus snapped, 'And?' He snarled at Potter, who still waited. 'Try to convince Muggles that I'm real! As if I'm a fool enough for that! Will you ever grow up?'

Potter raised an eyebrow. 'I'm twenty-one, Snape. I'll always be twenty-one, so _no,_ I won't grow up. And yes, I like to have a laugh occasionally, so get over it already.'

Severus just glared.

'Two,' Potter continued, as if nothing had happened. 'You can "go on" to a better place. Rainbows, and butterflies, and all that crap.'

'Will you be there?' asked Severus scathingly.

'Yup.' James grinned. 'It's not as bad as I made it out to be. There really aren't all that many butterflies.'

Severus rolled his eyes, then mentally berated himself for showing such a juvenile trait. Really, Potter was insane. The man was still grinning irritatingly.

'And the third?' he inquired, only just preventing himself from the urge to strangle the man. If only he had his wand...

'Three. You can go back. Live life again, make new choices, redeem yourself, whatever. You have a lot of regrets, Snape. Go back and right them.' Without a trace of the mirth he had shown only moments before, James waited on the man, watching the usually inscrutable face turn thoughtful.

Severus weighed the opportunities. Really, there were only two choices. To go on meant seeing Lily again, surely. But Lily would be the same, forever twenty-one and as unforgiving of Severus as ever. He had done things to her family which were simply unforgiveable. For Lily to look on him with that expression of hate again... it was more than he could stand.

The third option granted him the opportunity to rectify that hate. Severus imagined his life with Lily's friendship intact. He had never meant to become such a bitter, prematurely old man. Choices he had made in his youth, foolish decisions had dictated his life and left him entangled in a web in which he had no way out. It had cost him his one friend, and ultimately, his life. Severus knew, if he had the chance to live again, he would never make those choices again. But what had changed? If he went back, wouldn't he make the same choices, because he wouldn't have foresight? He would be just another ignorant teenager, making the same mistakes he once had before. Turning Lily against him like a fool, joining the death eaters, and being manipulated by Dumbledore. He didn't want to live through that again. He looked at the other man, who in turn was merely studying Severus as he thought.

'What's the catch?' he asked, suspicious.

'Catch?'

'The downfall. Catch, point that causes my demise, whatever. If I could simply go back and live again, what's to keep me from making the same choices, the same mistakes?'

'Ah. You really are a cynical, paranoid man, you know that?' Severus glowered. He had had to be suspicious of everyone, he was a spy for Merlin's sake! Was Potter daft? Potter shook his head. 'You would remember this life, Snape. I doubt you would make the same choices, yes? You were hardly the dark little greaseball that I accused you of being.' At this, Severus opened his mouth to eviscerate the other man with cutting insults of his own, but the man simply continued on. 'The catch, as you call it, would be starting life from your worst memory. You recall it, I suppose?'

Severus paled, if that was at all possible. Whenever able, he hid that memory in the recesses of his mind, and recalled it as little as he could. Now the memory washed over him, exposing his shame in front of Potter as he physically deflated.

Rather than exposing the hurt that the other man felt, James recalled sympathetically, 'I believe I featured prominently in that particular memory.'

Severus raised his eyes to glare at the other man. 'Yes,' he breathed, feeling tears start to well in his eyes. He wanted to lash out at the other man, scar him in some way for being so cruel, but the memory made him feel weak. At his breaking point, he slumped back in the armchair, no longer caring that Potter was there, and let his grief wash over him.

Witnessing this, James felt a rush of sympathy for the other man. He really had well and truly paid for his mistakes. One silly mistake and he had lost not only his one true friend, but an opportunity to escape the bad choices set out before him. With the clarity that only years of contemplation can bring, James could see that the man before him had just been a misguided adolescent who, after that day, had been surrounded by Voldemort's supporters. James' own behaviour at that age had hardly been exemplary. Why, his teasing of Snape had probably pushed the boy towards his dark contemporaries as a sort of protection.

'Snape?' He didn't respond, didn't appear to even hear. James repeated himself, louder, but Snape was wrapped in his grief.

'Severus.' The man raised his head, surprised at the use of his given name by his former rival.

'I am sorry.' The man looked aghast, confused and sad all at once at the apology that came out of nowhere. The normally inscrutable face seemed to have become undone in the grief that Snape was feeling. 'For our time at school,' James clarified. 'I was an idiot.'

'Don't.' Snape's voice was hoarse. 'If-' Severus closed his eyes, fighting the sick feeling that came. 'If you knew, you wouldn't be talking to me. W-what I've done, it's so much worse than you ever did to me.' Severus shuddered. 'If you knew-'

'-That you were in love with my wife? Why do you think I hated you so much, Snape? Lily loved you, and she hated me. Or was it that you gave the prophecy to Voldemort? I tell you, I had a cushy little vantage point up there, knew exactly what was going on-'

'You and your little friends were bullies before you ever became interested in Lily!' James barked a laugh, that out of all the things he had said, that was what the man fixated on. Snape seemed to become even more furious that James found humour in the subject. While James attempt at bringing Snape out of his misery had succeeded by giving the man an urge to argue, he was now facing an angry Snape, which James considered, was probably worse. He tried to backpedal.

'Look Snape, we're not here to argue about the past. You're dead, and yes, I'm here to help you decide what to do from here. Now, get over-'

'I'm not going to trust any "help" you would give me! You've never helped me before-'

'Fine!' Potter interrupted, looking thoroughly annoyed at being cut off repeatedly. Aristocratic arse, thought Snape satisfactorily.

'I see where Potter Junior gets his temper,' Snape smirked.

James ignored this taunt and sighed. Nothing would get through to this stubborn man. He simply would not listen to anything that he said, could not get Snape to accept that James wasn't the boy he had known at Hogwarts. He reflected on the advice he had received before coming to Severus Snape's angry consciousness.

'_Severus will be stubborn. He won't want to listen to you.' Dumbledore sat in the comfy armchair that corresponded to the one that had once sat in the Potter's living room. James, sitting on the couch next to Lily, frowned._

'_Then how will I get him to?'_

'_Use logic. Severus responds to rational arguments. If you illustrate that you are there to help him, he will accept that and allow you to present his options.' Lily shifted on the couch beside him. James turned and raised an eyebrow in question._

'_I don't think that Sev is_ that_rational,' she whispered. Dumbledore continued, oblivious to the nuances that only a husband would notice in his wife's behaviour._

'_You may find it disconcerting, James. The area around you will seem to change, or shift, as Severus regains awareness. Try not to take too much notice.'_

'_Sir?' Lily broke in._

'_It's Albus.' She merely smiled, as if this chivvying was a common occurrence from her late headmaster._

'_Albus. If Severus can shape his surroundings as you claim, then surely he will merely wish James gone. He isn't exactly his favourite person. No offence, honey,' she added, patting James' knee softly. He grinned lazily._

'_None taken.'_

'_No. Think about your own journey here.' Lily and James both smiled in memory. 'When someone dies, they need a guide to help them with make their decision, whatever that may be. That, ah, chaperon?' He nodded. 'Chaperon, is usually chosen by the people closest to the person in question.'_

'_What about his parents? I mean, my dad did it for me...' James trailed off as Lily started shaking her head beside him._

'_Severus was never close to his parents. Are you sure it has to be James?' Lily questioned worriedly. 'Surely it would be better... someone closer to him. You, Albus. Or- or me?'_

'_Lily,' Dumbledore said softly. 'You're not the best person for Severus to see right now. He has felt an almost crippling guilt where you are concerned, because of the past.'_

'_Severus has more than atoned for those actions,' she insisted. Albus shook his head._

'_I'm afraid Severus does not see it that way. He feels directly responsible for that Halloween, I believe.'_

'_Voldemort is responsible,' Lily stated miserably. Albus nodded._

'_And he wouldn't feel the same confronting me?' Asked James incredulously. 'I died that night too!'_

'_Ah, yes, but James, you're not in the same position. You're most definitely_not_Severus' friend, and I believe that will work to our advantage, give Severus fire, so to speak. You will see what I mean,' he added, seeing their confusion._

'_Then what about you?' James looked ashamed at asking, but in a very non-Gryffindor way, he was feeling nervous about seeing his old rival._

'_Severus is feeling a certain animosity towards me at the moment. Also, I do have... another person to help in the same way in which you are going to be helping Severus.'_

'_Oh,' said James dumbly. Then he regained his usual swagger and grinned._

'_Who would have thought that the afterlife could be so busy?' he joked. Lily gave him a look that silenced him for daring to joke about death so lightly._

'_Indeed,' Albus agreed in a serious tone, despite looking distinctly amused. 'I'll let you two...' In his intuitive way, Dumbledore stood and ambled over to the bookcase. James turned to his wife._

_Lily cupped a hand to his cheek._

'_Any advice?'_

'_Lay off the sarcasm. Sev doesn't like it, unless he's the one using it.' She smiled, apparently lost in memory. 'And be nice. You_will _be nice, won't you?' James thought that sounded more like an order than a request, but he smiled in return._

'_Yeah, I'll be nice.'_

'_Promise?'_

'_Promise.' He kissed her softly, and turned to Dumbledore, who had mimicked an interest in the books lining the room to let the couple have their moment of privacy. 'How do I get there?'_

'_Hmm? Oh, my dear boy, you already are.'_

_James blinked, and found himself crouching on the ground beside someone sprawled across the ground. Dumbledore and his vague explanations, he thought, irritated._

James broke himself out of his reverie, levelling his eyes with the man before him. The way to get Severus to listen was clear, although James was unsure if he could go through with the plan. It was deeply personal, and confronted jealousies that frankly, James wasn't sure he wanted to bring to the surface. He took a long breath, and was surprised to find it wasn't all that steady.

'_What?'_ questioned Severus, perturbed by Potter's sudden lack of speech. 'Sphinx got your tongue?'

'You trust Lily.'

Severus abruptly stopped talking. The man that he so detested opposite him looked as though the words had been dragged from him. He frowned at this new tactic.

'What are you-'

'You trust Lily,' James repeated, more forcefully.

'I... yes,' Severus admitted, still trying to see what Potter was up to.

'Lily trusts me. She entrusted me to come here and speak with you.'

'No, that's not-'

'So you should trust me, because she does.'

Severus looked flabbergasted at the revelation. Before the man had a chance to regain his composure enough to argue, James continued.

'So, your choices?'

Severus was silent. Potter's argument made sense, it did, but for one thing; Severus didn't want to. He felt a spark of jealousy that Lily trusted this man that had caused him so much humiliation. He raised his eyes to the other man's, and before he had a chance to argue, Potter exploded out of frustration.

'I told them! I told them I wasn't the right person to do this! But I did it anyway, because they told me I was the best person. And I have _tried_so hard to help you, because it was the right thing to do, and Lily wanted you to finally have peace. Dumbledore was wrong, you're not-'

'I don't want to be a ghost.'

Mid rant, James stopped with his mouth open and look of frustration still on his face.

'O-okay.'

His mind reeled. What had he done to convince the man?

Dumbledore was right, James thought. Severus was a rational man, with one exception. In every instance in which Lily was concerned, Severus Snape discarded logic and did exactly the opposite of what he rationally should.

_Lily wanted you to have peace_. That is what he had yelled. So Snape had let go of every reason not to trust James, and all his years of bullying to satisfy Lily's wishes.

'Dumbledore doesn't know you nearly as well as he thinks he does.'

'Doesn't surprise me,' muttered Snape.

'So, no see through, haunty Snape then,' he encouraged. 'What about the other options?'

'I don't know.' It seemed as if he didn't want to admit his uncertainty in front of James, but at least he was still discussing it, James supposed.

'Okay, so tell me about it, man. What are you thinking?'

Severus sighed. 'If I continue, then everything will be the same. Everyone will still look at me the same way as they always did. Nothing will have changed. To go back to that day though...' Severus paused, looking uncertain, but James waited him out. 'I'm not sure I could go through that again.'

An awkward silence formed, one that James was sure, that if he were to break, the other man would once again retreat behind his prickly defences. He resumed his earlier perusal of his surroundings to give the man time to consider his choices. The room had lightened somewhat, as if the emotional upheaval of earlier had unburdened the man himself and manifested itself in the surroundings. There was a picture of Lily on the mantel, James noticed with shock and more than a little discomfort. He still wasn't entirely sure how to deal with Snape's rather obvious feelings for a woman who was, after all, his wife. The picture itself was obviously muggle-made, as it didn't move, but had captured Lily in the middle of laughter, her face looking brightly into the lens. She couldn't have been more than fifteen years old, and James felt a pang of envy at the shared past the two had.

Severus, for his part, was not thinking of his options, but examining the other man. He had not seen him often since his days as a student of Hogwarts, and he had a sudden flash of Potter mussing up his hair when Lily was around. An irrational spark of irritation at the other man had him demanding, 'Well?'

Potter startled, and turned to look at Severus questioningly. 'You would like my opinion?' he asked, confused.

'Isn't that your purpose here?' came the pithy response.

'Er, well, not exactly. I'm not supposed to influence your decision.' Severus merely raised an eyebrow as if to say, _you think that_ you _could influence me?_'Um, okay. Well, let's say you take the first option and go on, you know, butterflies and whatnot. Not everything would be the same. People know what you've done in the past, yes, but they also know the actions you have taken to make up for it.' Severus began to protest but James continued as if he couldn't hear. He had asked for his opinion, albeit not exactly politely, but he would get it, whether he wanted it or not. 'Now, I know, that you don't believe those actions make up for what you have done -Dumbledore-' he explained on the questioning look, '-but others do. Lily forgave you a long time ago. We all do things in our youth which we regret, Snape. I trusted Peter,' he finished bitterly, not looking at Severus, but down at the floor.

Severus gathered that this was a topic that made Potter feel shame and vulnerability. Oh, how he must have _felt_, thought Severus smugly, when one of his vaunted Marauders stabbed him in the back! Rather than prey on this vulnerability as he would have earlier hwever, Severus merely asked 'And the other?'

James considered. 'This... opportunity, it isn't given as an option to everyone. I didn't get this choice. I believe you were given it because you gave your whole life to the cause, and never got the chance to really live your life for you. You have a chance to start fresh. That memory, it's horrible. But it's just one day, right?'

'You make salient points for both,' Severus admitted.

'But?' Severus, usually so pithy and often cutting with other people, hesitated, and James felt a frission of frustration at the man's tendency to be closemouthed. 'Out with it,' he instructed. Severus sighed.

'I... want Lily.' James didn't move a muscle. It wasn't the reaction Severus had been expecting, so much so that he found himself asking, 'Did you hear what I just said?'

'Yeah,' James replied, nonchalant and shrugging his shoulders. 'It's not like I didn't already know that, Snape. What I want to know is how it affects your decision.'

Both men were shocked. Neither had anticipated that the other would be willing to discuss the other's love so matter-of-factly. But the fact was, both men wanted the same woman, and during the hours it seemed since James Potter had found himself staring into the eyes of Severus Snape, they had both accepted it. It was an intricate puzzle, and one they had to solve together, or not at all.

'Fine,' Severus intoned. 'First option; I "move on". I will be welcomed, you say, redeemed of my misdeeds and forgiven. I will get to see people again, be in a community where I am not universally hated as the Dark Lord's servant, and treated as such. I will see Lily again.' He paused and locked eyes with the other man, and in that moment, James knew that Snape had made his decision, but not yet what it was. He yearned for the other man to continue, and he did, their eyes never wavering from the other's. 'But she will always be _your_ Lily.' James closed his eyes. 'If I go back, I have a chance to change that.' He smiled sadly, but the worn, prematurely aged face was beatific. 'I would like that.'

'Okay.' James smiled, glad that one, his agonising task was over, and two, selfishly, he wouldn't have to put up with the irritable man for much longer.

'Shouldn't you be warning me off your wife?' Snape asked, his lips thinned.

'Merlin, Snape, was that a joke?' asked James, truly shocked. 'Didn't know you had it in you.'

'Yes, well, I do have my moments,' he replied succinctly. 'Potter, did my death have its intended effect?'

The man's annoying habit of changing topic abruptly caused James' mind to do a U-turn in confusion. 'You mean did Harry get the message?' He nodded.

'And did it... help?'

'I don't know,' James admitted. 'But Dumbledore is sure of Harry's success, as I'm sure you know.'

Severus became quiet, thinking over all that had happened, and the huge decision he had just made. It was the right one, he was sure of it, but he could not keep himself from wishing he could know that Lily was happy, that she truly understood his actions. That he could see her one more time.

'Tell Lily... tell her I'm sorry. For everything.'

James smiled. 'She already knows.'

Nodding, Severus struggled to once again regain control of his emotions. 'What now?' he asked.

'You tell me.' Severus scowled. Really, just as he had started to not loathe the man, he gave infuriatingly vague answers. He was as bad as Dumbledore!

'I still don't like you.'

'I know.'

'This conversation, it doesn't change anything between us.'

'I guess I'll have to rely on my ignorant sixteen-year-old self for that.' He smiled, glad that they had finally reached an understanding of each other, even if they would never like each other. Maybe Lily wouldn't kill him when he returned after all.

'How do I get there?' James laughed and gave Severus the same cryptic answer that Dumbledore had given him.

It was then that Severus Snape found himself looking into the furious eyes of a sixteen-year-old Lily Evans.

**Let me know what you think!**

**~Tilly~**


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